Thursday, 15 May 2014
DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?
ACT ONE (A scene that repeats itself millions of times per night around the world.)
MAN: Finally gets to go downtown and fumbles to get his hand where it counts.
MAN: Starts random up-and-down or circular motion, hoping to God he can hit the spot and not be surprised.
WOMAN: Moans and man thinks he’s doing well.
WOMAN: Stops moaning.
MAN: Shifts technique or goes into overdrive, and woman asks him to slow down.
MAN: Slows down. Five seconds of mild positive response later, nothing.
MAN: Feels like a dog trying to open a door with no thumbs.
WOMAN: Gently stops his increasingly erratic attack after 10 minutes. Best case scenario, they move on to something the man can understand – penis in vagina.
Most men admit they’re not fans of asking for directions. But they’ll happily read a manual – especially one that tells them how to make you orgasm in a new way. Enter US author Timothy Ferriss (not in that way). When he interviewed adult movie star Nina Hartley he came across the One Taste method, where a man strokes a woman on the upper quadrant of her clitoris for 15 minutes. He tried it on his girlfriend. She had two strong orgasms, plus an extended 15-minute one. Nice one, Ferriss.
To share the love, he explains the method in his book, The 4-Hour Body – and we’re now sharing it with you and your partner. Listen and learn well, grasshopper…
This technique requires 15 minutes of 100 per cent concentration on approximately three square millimetres of contact. Nothing more. Test this and practise it with your partner. The pay-off will alter your sexual experience forever.
Remind each other that this is a goal-less practice. There is no objective, just a focus on a single point of contact. This should remove all expectations and pressure. He is going to touch you for 15 minutes. You don’t need to do anything. The only focus should be on the short stroke just as the emphasis would be on the breath in most forms of meditation. View it as an exercise in mindful awareness. And the more you focus, the greater your satisfaction.
ASSUME THE POSITION
First, it’s time to get naked. Lie on your back (use a pillow for neck support), then bend and move your legs apart. It’s easier for your bloke to get the right point of contact with his left hand so get him to sit to your right on top of a couple of pillows and straddle his bent left leg across your stomach. (If he’s a heavy fella you may want to add some pillows to relieve any pressure from his left leg on your torso.)
If he feels more comfortable doing this with his right hand then simply get him to swap sides. But if he does this, it’s important for him to tilt his right wrist towards you slightly as if he were looking at a watch to create a better finger angle. As most people are right-handed, we’ve explained it this way round (man on left side of you, using his right hand). Are you ready? Use the steps and the (admittedly abstract) pictures at right to get going...
1/ Separate the labia.
2/?Gently retract the clitoral hood upwards with the heel of his palm.
3/?Anchor the clitoris with his right thumb by holding the hood back.
4/?Get him to put his left hand under your bum, with two fingers under each cheek, and his thumb resting on, not in, the base of the entrance to the vagina. This is called the ring of introitus (we know it sounds like a Jason Statham film). Doing this acts as an anchor and help you feel more relaxed. Now comes the important part: finding the “upper quadrant” of your clitoris, which is a tiny area crammed with thousands of nerve endings. Tell your partner to imagine he’s looking directly at your clitoris from between your legs, with the top of the clitoris as 12 on a clock face. Get him to find one o’clock – ideally a small indentation or pocket between the hood and your clitoris – with his index finger and begin stroking using the lightest touch possible (think two pages of paper as depth of pressure) and only 1.5mm or so of movement. The tip of his finger is better than the pad. Have him stroke at a constant speed for periods of two to three minutes – it’s OK to change speed between periods. (If his back gets tired, he can try bracing his left elbow against your right leg.)
5/??Once 15 minutes are up, end with “grounding”. Nothing to do with punishing teenagers, it’s just a new-age term for easing you out of the experience, which conveniently avoids fixation on having a full-blown orgasm as closure. Get him to put pressure down on your pubic bone and up towards your head, using overlapping hands. You dictate the pressure. Most women find the strongest pressure the most pleasurable. You may find you want to have sex now. Don’t let us stop you.
ANATOMY OF YOUR ORGASM: WHAT’S GOING ON WHEN YOU’RE HEADING FOR THE BIG OH-OHHH!
FOREPLAY: Your heart rate goes up, and blood heads straight to your vagina and clitoris. The vaginal walls secrete beads of lubrication that start to get bigger and flow together.
GETTING CLOSER: Your vagina’s on the move: the lower part narrows to grip the penis; the upper bit expands to give it somewhere to go. Nipples do their best bullet impression.
NEARLY THERE: An incredible amount of nerve and muscle tension builds up in the genitals, pelvis buttocks and thighs until…
YES YES YES! Your body releases it all when the uterus, vagina and anus contract at 0.8-second intervals, aka your orgasm. Amplify it by breathing through your mouth and consciously relaxing your pelvic floor.
AFTERWARDS: That nice warm glow. A Dutch study found the brain areas involving fear are deactivated during orgasm, plus the bonding hormone oxytocin is released